Shabraya and Marvin


Why was it so hard for me to just listen! I always had to have a comeback or to say something. Why did I have to be so damn hard-headed and prideful? I asked myself as I rocked Sydney in her chair so she wouldn't cry. People walked past me and my daughter as I sat on the hallway floor across from my apartment door. because my mom and i had gotten into another fight and this time she put me out. I probably was the one in the wrong this time but shit I'm grown, she needs to fucking respect me, I'm a mother just like her and all I was really doing was standing my ground for how I feel I should be treated.
But shit looks at me now. I can’t lie I can't believe she put me and Sydney out. Like she really packed our shit and put it in the hallway. she had always threatened to do it but i never thought I would push her to the point where she would follow through.
”damn I got to get out this hallway and get Sydney somewhere safe.” I said as pulled out my phone and looked at it. ”shit it's off." i said annoyed when I since the no service signal at the top of my iPhone. I had forgotten to pay the bill. I tried to connect to the house wifi because I was only outside the door but the signal would even stay strong enough to load Facebook. I shock my head annoyed.
I looked around thinking and then looked at Sydney. some more people walked past and this time it was a woman and a guy. as she walked by she whispered something in his ear and she looked at me. this shit was embarrassing I was in the hallway with a black trash bag full of clothes, my baby in her car seat and her baby bag. I looked at our apartment door "hell Nah I'm not about to beg her." I said out loud. then i looked at Sydney. as a new mom, I was quickly learning sometimes it's not about me it's about her and her well being and her safety. i took a deep breath. then I stood up and I knocked on the door. ”momma can you let us back in, please. My phone off so I can't make any arrangements for somewhere to go and people out here waking by looking at me and your granddaughter.” I said loudly so she can hear me through the door. I heard nothing back. "momma." i said whining a little bit and banging on the door. The door opened slightly and I saw my mom's head peek out right underneath the chain on the door.
”Shabraya stop knocking on my door and yelling! you grown right? That was ya whole argument with me today. That i should let you do what you want and bring anybody you want up and through my house because you grown right? then Ya, little 18-year-old ass going to call me a bitch and have the nerve to raise your hand to me in my house when I pop you in your mouth. Now you think I'm a keep a roof over your head! you got me fucked up Shabraya when you became grown own to do that, that meant you were grown enough to get the fuck out and figure this shit out on your own like grown people do every day because this here is my damn house. and I will not be disrespected.” she said to me. ”Harriet man I didn't disrespect you." I said annoyed because my mom was being too dramatic it wasn't like I hit her.
"excuse me." my mom said with her face frown up. then she slammed the door closed. I banged on the door again. more people walked passed me so I stopped and watched them to make sure no one ran off with Sydney. "stop banging on my door." My mom yelled without opening the door. "Momma listen I was just angry. you know I would never actually hit you. I called you a bitch out of angry but you didn't have to slap me.” I said to her. ” little girl I'm not worried about you hitting because had you actually been that crazy I would have beaten ya ass like some random bitch on the street and still put you out. and SHabraya I'm not stupid I've been 18 before. what you said was far from a mistake ya ass think you have grown because you had that baby. you said what you meant you probably just didn't mean for it to be heard. But it did and now you since you are so grown here you are. figure your shit out shit for you and your child.” she said.
”momma!” I yelled. my mom opened the door wide this time. ”girl stop yelling out there.” she said back to me. ”then let us back in!' I said as I turned to grabbed our stuff think she was going to move out the doorway and let us in. "I'm not letting you into 92 Flower Lane APt B22," she said to me with a straight face. I looked at her and dropped the garbage bag full of clothes and Sydney's baby bag. "Man I give you $150 a month this my house too. you can't just put me out” I reminded her. My mom laughed. ”little girl that little $150 don't do shit for me. Not to mention all you do is borrow the shit back. Because ya ass is irresponsible and doesn't plan ahead for shit. So all that $150 becomes is money I'm holding for you for when you come asking to borrow $40 here and $40 there. This my house. My name on the lease my paycheck pay the bills in this muthafucka.” She said to me. I stood there with an attitude in silence. “Exactly nothing for your smart ass to say because you know I’m right. Now bye!” She said and closed the door.
I started to knock at the door again. “Momma” I yelled. again The door cracked again. “What?” She answered. “Let us come in,” I said to her. “Your ass still hasn’t figured it out Shabraya if you want to be grown so bad I don’t have to do shit for you. ” She said to me. I put my head down. “What about Sydney?” I asked. My mom was silent for a while. “My grandbaby is innocent in all this. Not her fault her momma can't put aside her childish behavior. so I will take her but you. You can’t come in here. When you think you big and bad enough to whoop me then you need to go get your own shit Shabraya.” I looked up and looked at my mom like she was crazy.
“So I’m supposed to let you take my baby and then I’m just out here on the street what type of mother would that make me look like,” I said to her. “I smart one for once.” My mom said. “Girl bye I wouldn’t dare you sitting here talking all this mess like you was the perfect mom. if you were so prefect Maybe I wouldn't have gotten pregnant at 17 if I had a mom that paid attention to me.” I said to her. “Shabraya try the mind games on someone else cause it’s not going to work here boo. Not one bit. I am far from being a perfect mom because what you haven't figure out is that when it comes to being a parent your going to make a million mistakes, but as long as you keep that child loved, healthy, and protected and you put your all in while you're doing it. then you are being the best parent you can be. so no I'm not the reason you got pregnant. i could have been the world's greatest mom and that wouldn't have stopped your fast ass from laying it low and spreading it wide for that no good ass baby daddy of yours. So either leave Sydney with me until you get your shit together or get off my doorstep. those are your options but you better not bang on my door again” She said to me.
I stood there silent. No one was going to separate me from my child I was all she had. Marvin's ass hadn’t seen her since she was born and he got the DNA results that she was his. I knew if I gave my mom Sydney she was going to make it hard for me to see her or get it back. I was going to have to get the courts, etc involved and my daughter was five months and i hadn't gotten them involved within me or my daughter's life yet. and I wasn't going to start now. Give my mom my baby and then my baby will have both parents out her life. “Nah I’m good.” I finally said. “Fine! Bye!” My mom said and then closed the door.
I grabbed Sydney and the garbage bag full of stuff I had gathered and headed towards the lobby of our building. I got down to the lobby and I sat down on the couches they had set up. I had to figure something out. I picked up my phone and went to my WiFi setting to see if there was some free WiFi around me so I could use it to try and contact someone. Thank god the lobby had free WiFi. I was able to connect to it and instantly hit my friend Lakeisha on FaceTime. She answered quickly. “Hey”, girl, she said cheerfully. “Hey boo,” I said to her. “What’s up? why you look so sad?" she asked me. “Man me and my momma got into it again and this time she put me and the baby the hell out. Now me and Sydney in the lobby of our building with nowhere to go.” I said. “I know you lying," Lakeisha said back to me. "Nah I'm dead ass serious," I said to her. "Damn that crazy, she not trying to let y’all back in the house at all not even just for the night,” Lakeisha asked. “Nope,” I said back. Lakeisha shook her head and got silent.
I waited a little while to see if she was going to offer us a spot at her house but when the offer didn’t come I finally spoke up. “So I was wondering, Ummm... maybe we can come to your house and crash there for a little while until I get things straight, ” I said. Lakeisha was still silent for a few minutes and then she said. “Honestly we don’t even have the room over here like that" I butted in "I don't need a lot of space your couch would be fine." "My mom and her boyfriend over here. My baby brother. Then me, Chris and summer. we all trying to make a three bedroom, one bathroom work as it is.” She said. “Lakeisha Chris can’t go home to his momma for a few days just until I get back good. Sydney and I can sleep on the floor of your bedroom.” Lakeisha looked at the phone like I was crazy. “So my baby routine suppose to change on when she sees her father for you?” She said with an attitude. “Not just for me but for her godsister,” I said. “Shabraya I love you and my goddaughter. But Summer is my main responsibility. It’s full over here. if you were smart you'd suck up your pride and go apologies to your mom.” She said, “you said you’d always be here for me and Sydney, that you knew how I felt because we both had our babies at the same time.” I said. “And I am and will always be here for you. in each way I can. But I can’t put a roof over your head. Even if I said yes it’s still up to big Tammy you know this her house. And if I know her I know her and ya mom already talked and it’s gonna be a no.” She said. “So then what am I suppose to do." i said back to her feeling betrayed “Girl go back to your mom.” She said. “I tried but she doesn’t want to respect me as a grown as a woman. all she wanna do is take Sydney away from me." I said back. Lakeisha's lips tooted up. "really Shabraya?" she said. "You don't get it your mom lets you do what you want, treats you like an adult," I said to her. "SHabraya you're going by what you think you see because I don't call and complain about my mom. But I respect my mom and in return, she helps me and Chris with the baby. Not to mention she asked me and Chris to get jobs, etc and that exactly what we did. it took a while but I and Chris both agreed that we need my mom." she said to me. "so it's just fuck me and my baby. Like what am I supposed to do" I said to her. “ I don’t know what to tell you,” Lakeisha said before hanging up.
“That bitch,” I said putting the phone down. Sydney started to cry so i took her out her car seat. “Mommas here, relax,” I said to her as i patted her on her back until she quit down. I looked at my phone and FaceTimed my best friend. She answered smiling. “What’s up girly?” She said. “Can me and Sydney come to your house my mom put me out,” I said getting straight to the point. “Damn Sydney you know I would but me and my family out here in Mexico for a family vacation.” I got sad “okay Charmaine enjoy.” I said then hang up.
Sydney started crying more. I went into her bag and grabbed her stuff to make her a bottle and change her. I made the bottle and feed her. Once she was done I changed her and she fell asleep. I put her back in her chair while I sat there thinking.
Twenty minutes had gone by and it was getting close to 7 pm. i looked in my wallet and had all of $40. i shook my head "not even enough for a hotel." I was out of ideas. I looked at the phone and rolled my eyes I only had one other person I could possibly ask for help.
I started to write the text.
Marvin this Shabraya. My phone off so I can’t call you And I know you not going to answer FaceTime calls but I need your help. My mom put me out I need you right now.
I sent the message and then I saw the bubble pop up showing that he was responding.
Why are you hitting my phone he sent back to me
Because i am the mother of your child and I need your help I sent back
What do you want Shabraya! He sent back
My mom put me out and I need you to take your daughter until I get things figured out. I texted back.
What? He said back.
i rolled my eyes again and responded back to him. I need you to take Sydney, Marcus damn. then I sent it back.
Why can’t she go where you're going? He asked back. Because I don’t know where I’m going and if she with you I know she’s okay because she’s with one of her parents. Not to mention shit you're her father and should want to spend time with her. I typed as I started to cry because I was getting mad.
Man... Marvin text me back
Man, you don’t do shit for my daughter and I don't hassle you about it. I haven’t put you on child support or anything else and you have the DNA results to show she yours so why is it so hard for you to help me out this one time! I mean can you at least come get her from me and take her to your mom for me. she comfortable with your mom. I texted him.
I ain't got time. He texted back
what how do you not have fuckn time for your damn daughter Marvin
Because I’m busy now. if i get time I'll hit you up. But outside of that. stop hitting my phone down.
I slammed my phone down pissed off. "Ass hole" I yelled.
I looked out the window and noticed it was getting dark. I sat there thinking to myself maybe I should go back upstairs to my mom and try again. But my body wouldn't move. Pride was definitely some shit. But I knew I had to come up with something I and Sydney needed to be somewhere safe before it got too late. I grabbed my phone one last time and typed homeless shelters near me in my search box. Never in a million years would I have thought that I out of all people would be considering going to a homeless shelter or that I would be going to a shelter with my daughter.
The google result showed me that there was a shelter five minutes away. I grabbed me and Sydney stuff and headed there. This seemed like the longest walk I had ever taken. and when i got to the door I wanted to have a nervous breakdown. I was so scared. This place damn sure wasn’t home. But until I could get to public assistance in the morning it was going to have to work. I got me and Sydney checked in and accounted for and then I grabbed a bed us a bed full of women that looked and smelled like they haven't bathed in days. I tucked my phone in my bra and used me and Sydney's bag of belongings as a pillow and put her baby bag between my legs.
With tears rolling down my face. I kissed my baby and then looked up at the ceiling with Sydney in my arms and cried until I fell asleep.
seem like i had been sleeping all of five minutes when In the dark, I felt the touch of someone trying losing my arms from around Sydney. I opened my eyes to see someone's glassy eyes staring at me. “Let me see the baby.” The black woman said to me in a creepy voice. “No, not right now, she's sleeping right now maybe later,” I said trying to be nice. The woman scarily stared at me with her hand still resting on me. She then we to get Sydney out my arms again like I had said nothing to her. “Please leave me and my baby alone,” I said getting louder and this time pushing her hands. This time the woman didn’t look at me but she starred in Sydney. “The baby. She looks like my baby.” She said. I grabbed on to Sydney tighter. The woman reached out for her again this time I smacked her hand down before it got to me and Sydney. The woman looked at her hand and then at me, and then back to her hands again. she turned to look in a bag she had on her hip and when she turned back to me she was holding a knife to me. “Give me my baby.” She said this time now pulling on Sydney's leg with her free hand. Sydney started to cry and I grabbed on her tighter and started to scream for help. The lights in the room came on and the lady turned with her eyes wide towards the doorway.
“Leave that girl alone” I heard an employee say as they were getting closer. “Give me!” The lady said loudly as she cut my hand with the knife and pulling on Sydney again with her other hand before running out the room. The worker came over to me quickly. “Are you okay?” She asked. i didn't say anything. "honey." she said “No... call the police..” I screamed.

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