Part1: Candice and Jyreese
Tonight was one of them nights that I had been going through a lot lately; when I laid in bed and watch Candice as she slept so peacefully. I don’t even think she knew I was home she was so deep in her sleep. She had texted me earlier checking on me and seeing if I wanted her to stay up and wait for me. But I had told her to go ahead and go to sleep.
I laid there admiring my queen. She had been by my side through thick and thin. No one could ever understand the things I put her through and how she still loved me down to my damn dirty draws.
When I and Candice first got together she uses to always fuss at me and tell me that she wasn't in this relationship for Ress (the name they called me in the streets) she was in it to love Jyreese. I couldn't understand back then what she met by that but lately, I am starting to see.
After three years I was finally seeing that she didn't want the person I was in the streets. The person these hoes loved because they saw the flashy cars, money and charming face. I so used to the attention that I never thought about the fact that these chicks didn't want the real me, they didn't want Jyreese. But Candice she loved the hell out of the real me.
She knew about my fears and struggles as a man, that I went through because I didn't have my father in my life or any positive male role models to look up to. She even went a sat with me every week when I went to take my mom her drugs to feed her habit just so I could get a moment of her time.
The first time I cried to her about the failure I thought I was she sat on the bathroom floor and held me. She Encouraged me and every day since she lived up to every word she told me that night. That she would always be here, that she would push me and believe in me, and that she would always be my biggest fan.
As I stared at Candice she readjusted herself in bed, and as she stretched she opened her eyes. "Hey baby," I said to her cheerfully. she smiled back at me and asked: "What time did you get in?" "I’ve been here for almost 30 mins now," I told her. Candice wiped her eyes and said, "damn I never even heard you come in." I laughed and said, "yeah you were sleeping so peacefully I didn't want to wake you up."
I rubbed Candice cheek softly with the back of my hand.
She grabbed my hand as I got closer to her lips and kissed my hand. "honey can we talk?" she asked me with a straight face. "Of course, what’s ups boo?" I asked. Candice repositioned herself in the bed and cleared her throat then said, "well I've had this on my mind for a while and didn't know when was the best time to come out and say it." "say what?" I asked Candice confused.
"I think we should call it quits," Candice said as she looked me in the eyes. I started to laugh "Bae take your ass back to sleep, you saying crazy stuff." Candice looked at me with a serious face "No I am serious Ress."
At that moment it was like my heart hit the bottom of my feet. "what do you mean to call it quits Candice? We’ve been together for over three years. How could you just want to walk out on me? " I said to her with anger in my voice.
Candice looked at me sideways "walk out on you? Isn’t that funny. let me explain something to you; the fact that I loved you and was in love with you will always remain the same. But I am at a point in life where the wife I am cannot keep being unnoticed by you. Over the last three years, you have used and abused that. I shared your beliefs, on top of believing in you and uplifting you at your lowest moments. But you couldn't even tell me what goals I am trying to reach or have reached over this three-year time span. I loved the man you were but always encouraged you to be better. So that you could then match me and be a husband” she said.
I was confused as hell "Candice what are you talking about we aren't married." I said to her. "exactly we aren't but I set my mind that I was going to be a wife and I followed that thought with actions. " she told me.
I still didn't completely understand but I couldn't lose my lady. "baby you are right, I wasn't focused and I was selfish. But I am here now and I'm ready to be a husband" I told Candice.
Candice laughed “you don't even understand this is not the part when you say you’re sorry. When you were destroying my trust, you should have been sorry. when you were unfaithful you should have been sorry. When your women tested me time and time again; in person, at my job, on Facebook...and I remained a lady, your lady; you should have been sorry. and oh, when you took me through not 1, not 2 but 3 pregnancy scares; that wasn't my own and I stuck beside you, I stuck up for you, even when I was dying inside. That’s when you should have been sorry.” Tears began to roll down Candice's face as she reminded me of all the things I caused her to endure and never showed her appreciation for staying.
"Baby I'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you, I was stupid. I never knew you felt this way." I said eagerly. "You didn't know because you didn't care to pay attention to the signs I was giving you. For a while now I have been showing you that we were coming to an end. I stopped fighting and fussing with you and my reaction to everything was okay. I no longer cared if you were coming home or when. And about 2 weeks ago when I followed you to Tamara house I had no more tears to cry over the hurt you had caused, for the ugliness you made me feel. for the insecurity, you birth in me. I didn’t even have the energy to knock on the door to let you know I knew. I knew then that I will always be in love with Jyreese but I will only ever get Ress and the streets."
I screamed not caring at all who heard "baby!" she kissed me gently and said” I thought for a while on how to tell you this, but my heart wouldn't allow me to just pack my bags and leave. I wanted to give you enough respect to tell you why."
I looked at her and said, "you’re not leaving me period." Candice still remaining claim, smiled "I am. but for tonight let’s enjoy each other's company. I promise not to think of the hurt I felt as I laid on our bathroom floor bleeding and losing the child we created when I selflessly gave you my body."
A knot hit my throat "when?" Candice put her finger my lips "shhh... that no longer matters, just like how unattractive you made me feel every time I had to encounter one of your other girls."
I grabbed Candice in my arms. "Candice baby I am sorry I take full responsibility" Candice looked up at me. "No, let me take some responsibility because I helped the madness that happens. Every time I didn't speak up or I just brushed it off. I take responsibility for loving you instead of loving myself."
By this time, I was crying” Candice please. give me one more chance let me show you." Candice pulled me near "Ress lets just make love one last time."