Taylor and Stephaine Part 4

Confusion was the only emotion I could understand that was racing through my body as I stood there watching the blood pour from this man’s body. When did we become this family? This was not us. Me and Taylor only wanted to get involved in this because we wanted the money and an even better lifestyle than the one our parents had given us. I had no desire to be a damn murder. 
I could feel my stomach in my feet. And as i looked around it was like everything was moving in slow motion. I could see Taylor talking on the phone but I couldn’t hear the words she was saying over the sound of my heart racing. The more I stood there the more I felt like the walls were closing in on me. It was getting harder and harder for me to breathe. The room was starting to spin and I wanted to call out for help but when I opened my mouth nothing came out. I reached out for Taylor and my body became weak. Everything became black and my hearing came back for a moment to hear Taylor calling for my mom.
When I came to, I was laying on the couch with a towel on my head and Taylor, my mom, and Uncle Matt standing over me like I was a dead boy. “There she goes. Welcome back baby girl” Uncle Matt said “what happened?” i asked “you passed out in the basement,” Taylor said. “Damn all I remember is looking at the body then I got hot. The room started to spin and I was trying to tell Taylor I needed help but nothing came out when I opened my mouth then it all went black.” I said as I sat up. “Yeah I caught you just before you laned face first on that ground down there you shit would have been fucked up.” Taylor said.
“Thanks. I just dont get what happened. “I said back to her. “Its okay staphaine everyone reacts differently,” my mom said as she sat down next to me and rubbed my back. “But this shit seemed so normal to you and Taylor. why did i react this wau and y'all didn’t” I said “watching someone take somes life or actually having to do it myself is never normal baby. Ive seen it and had to do it way more times than I want to ever admit to my children. What happened downstairs is going to hunt me and I won't sleep peacefully for a while. But in that moment this emotional side of me goes by the wayside and another part of me steps up. And when that part of me steps up it's a whole other ball game. The person you saw tonight is who I am when I pull all my strength together to protect you girls even though y'all grown and to protect myself. When I'm emotional I'm weak and being weak tonight wouldve gotten me killed that man made that clear.” my mom said.
“Yeah and believe me everytime that beast in me is out I hate it. I pull the trigger but i never second guess it sis after i do it because I know the woman in me is built to protect. And that beast in me does that because i refuse to lose anything or anyone else. So it it's ever a question between them and me and mine. I'm making sure me and mine come up on top at the end and i dont care who has to fall to ensure that. I will cry and throw up and be hurt about what i did later.” Taylor said as she grabbed my hand.
“It's just odd to see you both in that light. Like dad had that side of him. You guys got that side to you and then there's me. Am I weak? Even when that man threaten mommy i couldn’t get to the point of anger you guys were at to shoot as well. Like what the hell is wrong with me? I love you mommy I never want anything to happen to you and I’d do anything to make sure you safe.” I said to her looking her in the face. “I know baby I know and I never question your love believe me. Nothing is wrong with you baby we all have parts and roles in this game and I know that what we did tonight is not a part that you fit into. Your heart is pure.” my mom said as I rested my head on her shoulder. “And Talyor’s isn’t?” I asked. “My heart beats different now sis you have to remember I saw daddy get killed.” she said then quickly looking away and wiping a tear. For the first time in a long time, I saw tears come to Taylor's eyes when she mentioned our dad.
Taylor was like the son my dad always wanted. She played basketball with him, loved to watch sports, play fights and so much. She understood she was a girl but it was something about that respect, power, and dominance Taylor saw my dad get that she craved and she did all the things he did that she thought made him a strong man and able to get that. But she had my mom's attitude so it didn’t always happen for her the way it happened for my dad. And that was fine because those were the things I wasn’t interested in. On the other hand I loved watching movies with my dad, studying history with him and reading a book, or fixing stuff around the house. But I loved how my mom handled business and remained a lady. She got the job done and still made time for family and to be a wife. It was odd because until this moment I didn’t realize how much we were both like each of our parents in different ways.
Taylor always wanted to go on runs with my dad and when my dad told her it wasn’t safe it made her want to go more. She hated it when he told her no. the night he was murder he had gotten a call while we were watching a movie and his mood changed instantly. He explained that he had to go make an important run and would be back. Momma tried to convince him that it was family time and that whatever it was could wait until tomorrow. He said it had to be done that night and he was going to be right back.
I still remember the kisses he gave all of us as he got ready to go. It was like he knew he was returning but he wouldn’t dare tell us that. I must have been the only one that picked that up because when he kissed momma she had an attitude, had her arm folded and only gave him or cheek. She told him he didn’t have his fucking priorities together and then went to their room and closed the door. Taylor kept asking over and over if she could go with him and he said no. the last time he said it she also stormed off.
I was the last one he gave a kiss and told me he loved me. I stayed up waiting for him to come back so I could tell him how the movie ended. I fell asleep on the living room couch and was woken up at 2 am by the doorbell. When my mom opened it there was the police with Taylor. They told my mom they found her in my dad's truck holding on to his dead body. I thought my mom was going to lose it. But instead, she brought Taylor into the house. Told the cop that once someone got here to sit with us she would be down to ID the body.
Mommy put me and Taylor to bed and rocked us to sleep as I cried and Taylor laid their speechless. She didn’t drop a tear of the fold. Uncle Matthew and his wife Shay showed up. Uncle Matthew went with my mom to view the body seeing that it was his brother and Auntie Shay stayed with us. The next morning Taylor was still sleeping but I heard the shower going. I thought everything was a nightmare and it was my dad taking his morning shower. That was until I got to my parent's room and saw my dad's belongings on the bed in the bag from the cops and heard my mom crying in the bathroom. I sat outside their bathroom door and cried with her until I heard the shower turn off. To this day I don't even think she knows we shared that moment.
Taylor didn’t actually talk for a whole week after my dad was murder. When she finally did Speech it started off as a scream of no at my dad's funeral when she broke down at the sight of him in the casket. No 15 year old wants to bury her father. But Taylor's situation was worse.
When the funeral was over she said she was hiding on the floor of daddy's truck under some blanket he kept in the car for us. She laid low until they came to a stop and she heard from putting it in the park. She popped up smiling to surprise my dad and she said daddy's eyes were big and he seemed scared he asked her over and over again why did she do that. Then another car pulled up. Daddy quickly told Taylor to get back down and to stay down no matter what she heard.
She did as he said. Then she heard a real deep voice that she wasn't familiar with telling daddy he was going to pay for what that bitch did. That it was going to be his life or his family's lives. Daddy offered money but the guy said it wasn’t enough. Daddy finally responded he will give his last breath for his family.
Taylor said she peeked from under the blankets she used to cover up on the floor and seen daddy look out the side of his eye at her with a sad face before the person let off five shots into daddy's chest and then ran off.
Mommy was never the same after hearing that she blamed herself. She felt had she forced daddy to just stay home with us it would have never happened. Or had she not stormed off to her room. She would have noticed that Taylor was gone. Our family changed dramatically after that and here we were 11 years later and so much of my father's death still affected and molded who we were.

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