Part 3 Monica
“Moe push, push Moe push baby girl…” Ms. Charlene said. “I can't, it hurts.” I screamed out. “The pain won’t stop until she’s out. So just push don’t give up now,” she told me, brushing my hair back out of my face. “She’s right there just push, just one more good one,” the nurse instructed. With one more push, I heard her cries, and my heart rejoiced. “She’s here. She’s finally here.” I cheered and cried out at the same time as I watched the nurses take my baby over to the table to weigh her. “She’s beautiful.” Ms. Charlene said as she rubbed my head some more. “That she is, she will be everything you weren’t,” I heard a familiar voice say from the side of me, and I turned and saw my mother walking with a look of greed on her face.
“What is she doing here?” I turned to Ms. Charlene and asked with tears in my eyes. “I’m taking her,” my mother answered as she picked up my baby. “No, no, she can’t have my baby. I didn’t want her to have my baby.” I screamed. Ms. Charlene stood quietly, watching. Nicole walked to the door with my baby. “Let me hold her…. Please, just let me hold my daughter…. Please” I screamed out. “She’s mine now,” Nicole said with a smirk as she walked out.
“Just let me hold my baby!” I screamed as I jumped up out of my sleep. I felt my heart was beating out my chest. I laid back in the bed and let out a deep breath. The first morning waking up a free woman felt nothing like I expected it to. As I laid in the bed staring at the ceiling, a part of me wanted to be back behind bars. At least then, I would fully understand why I felt so lost and disconnected.
As I laid there, there was a knock at the door, then I heard it open, and Erica say, “Moe, you up?” I turned to look at her, and she came in. She got in bed with me, and we stared at each other for a while. “Are you mad at me?” she asked, looking me in the eye. “As much as I want to be, I know your inventions were good. And my issue has never been you, it's always been Nicole.” I said.
Erica laid on her back and looked up at the ceiling “shit I’m telling you she’s not the person you think and clearly she not the person I thought either.” Erica said. “Yeah people normally show us the side and things they want us to see. That hurt side of me you saw last night is very much a part of me but not something I want anyone to see or be able to use against me.” I said, “but you do get you can show me that side of you. I'm your sister and I’m always going to be there for you and protect you,” Erica said. “Yeah, I know,” I said in a soft tone.
The room got silent, and then Erica looked over at me. “You're a mommy,” she said with an excited face. “Yes, to a little girl that I don’t know where she is or what she looks like.” I told her. “Yo, momma, so fucked up for that.” Erica said. “When you think about it, the situation as a whole is fucked up. I was in jail for two weeks after they had finally sentenced me. I was eating the bare minimum and laying in my cell all day. I went to take a shower one day and pass out. When I woke up in the infirmary, it surprised me to find out I was pregnant. I was all alone when I gave birth. And because they handcuffed me, I couldn’t even hold my little girl.
I didn’t want to give my baby away, not even to Nicole, but because I was a minor and serving years in jail, they were going to send my baby off to foster care, and there was a chance I would never find her. So I thought she was going to be safe with y’all. But when I started writing to you and you never brought her up, I knew Nicole had done wrong by my baby just like she did me. For another year and a half, maybe two, I sat in a cell stuck in my own self-pity until this lady named Charlene came picked me up. Loved me and reminded me that I was more than where I was.” I told her. “I’m sorry, sis. Last night I saw her the same way you see her.” Erica said.
Last night when I asked my mother about my daughter, she started crying harder. “Those tears mean nothing to me, so stop crying and answer me.” I told her. Something must have clicked in because when she lifted her head and looked at me, the look she was giving me wasn’t the look of a victim or someone that felt bad like she was doing before. But pure evil. “That baby, that little girl, that little mistake of yours is in a better place.” Nicole answered. “You killed my daughter?” I said to her with my voice cracking as I stepped closer to Nicole, forgetting she was the woman that gave birth to me. Erica quickly stepped in between us, facing Nicole. “Momma, you didn’t?” she asked her softly.
“Although I felt the little girl should have never been here, I am not that type of woman.” Nicole answered. “Then where is her baby momma?” Erica asked. “Nicole, I swear if you did something to my child they're gonna have to put me under the jail for what I do to you.” I said to her. “That's going to be the last threat you make towards me, little girl. I am still your momma.” she said to me. “Bitches have puppies every day that don’t make them a mother.” I told her boldly.
“I got your bitch,” Nicole said as she jumped towards me, and Erica pushed her back. “Momma where is this child? This is not a game. I don’t reminder you ever bringing home a baby and I was 13 when Moe went to jail.'' Erica said. Nicole stared at me with her jaw tight. “Where is my daughter?” I said, looking her straight in the eyes. “I don't know,” she answered with a straight face. “Momma what do you mean you don’t know?'' Erica asked. “When they called me to pick up that baby, my mind was all over the place. I was trying to forget that night ever happened and here comes another reminder. When they placed her in my arms, all I could see was the mistake I made by sending my child into that motel room. And I didn’t want Moe to come home and see that little girl and be reminded of her mistake like I am every time I look at her.” she said. “That wasn’t your decision to make.” I yelled, “but it was baby see you thought I wasn’t doing anything for you but I handled the biggest issue you had. I brought the baby back to town and drive out to the suburbs and dropped her off at a fire station.” she said, wiping her tears. My heart shattered into a million pieces. I pushed Erica aside and slapped Nicole so hard I swore I saw spit come from her mouth. “I could have given my own daughter away. I gave her to you thinking for once you’d do right by me. But you fucked me over once again. So let me make this clear. You might have given me life, but you no longer get to be a part of this new one I am starting. You are nothing to me.” I said to her. I finally turned back to the front door and unlocked it, and walked in, leaving Erica and Nicole standing out there speechless.
I laid in bed, and a tear rolled down my face as I replayed last night in my head. Erica rolled over and wiped my face. “It’s okay sis, we are going to figure something out and we are going to find my niece and bring her here with us where she belongs.” she, with a smile, tried to encourage me. “Yeah hopefully,” I said to her as I tried to push through a fake smile.
“What did you name her?” Erica asked. My face lit up, “Promyse… Promyse Michelle Matthews,” I said excitedly. “That’s cute… Promyse,” Erica said. “Yeah, I figured it fit because once I found out I was pregnant I sat in my cell talking to her in my belly just making promises to her that thing would be better when I was free. That I would always protect her. That I would always be there for her. That I would be a better mother to her then what I had.” I told Erica.
A tear rolled down Erica's face, and she quickly wiped it away. “Well, you can still work on those promises you made to her starting now. So get up, so we can go enjoy our spa day.” Erica said, jumping out of bed and flinging the covers back. As I looked at my sister, I knew I needed to come clean to her. “Erica, there’s something else I need to tell you.” I said to her. “Nope, don’t you bring me no more bad news. If it's bad keep it as your own personal secret. I'm good, I already feel like I need a therapist. But if it's good and juicy, save it we can talk at the spa,” she said, laughing as she walked out the room. I let out a sigh and then put my head into the pillow and said silently, “I accidentally fucked your man”