Part 3: Dave, Jayden and Rico

Being in here was lonely, but it gave a lot of time to think.  Not having my bros on the outside to reach out to had me feeling like I had no one watching my back or taking care of me in here or on the outside. I felt like the world was on my shoulders and the only good news I had gotten was that I finally have an actual court date coming up. I had no one to depend on to be there for me, but my momma and even that was up in the air because Jayden or Dave would have to bring her.

   You have a collect call from “Remario Perris” I waited, and few mins and then I heard “hey baby” “hey momma” we greeted each other when the call finally connected. “how are you in there?” she asked me. “I’m alright momma keeping my head up and trying to stay out the box.” I said to her. “that's all you can do.” she said. “I called to tell you that I finally got a court date” “that's good baby when is it?” she asked. “Next Thursday,” I told her. “Okay I will try to be there,” she said.  “mom you got to be there, and you got to pray for me. I need out of this place as soon as possible. I haven’t seen my kids, and Yandy ran off with my stuff” I said to her. “Son I have never stopped praying for you. I prayed for you when you were out here. But God takes you through some things when he has a lesson for you to learn. Keep your head up baby and learn how to pray for yourself because me praying for you won’t get you into heaven” she said. It was still odd to hear my mom talk about God. I remember when she was running around to high to remember her own name let alone mine. But she had been clean for years now and gave all the credit to god. I sat on the phone quietly and then my mom said: “everything will work its self out I know it will and when it does you should walk out this situation feeling like you learned something.” “believe me, momma, I do. I am learning I can’t trust or depend on anyone but myself.” I said to her

   she was silent and then I asked. “mom has Dave and Jayden been taking care of you?” “yes, baby they been coming by making sure the bills are paid, I got food and taking me to the doctors,” she said, “what have you been going to the doctors for?” I asked “nothing God can’t handle just haven’t been feeling well.” she said. I knew my mom didn’t like to bother me with any of her health concerns especially because she felt like when it came to her health she was going through this all because of the drugs and things she did in her past.

   “mom, what are the doctors saying?” I asked “they saying I have cancer…” she answered “mom how long have you known this?” why are you just now saying anything? do dave and Jayden know? have they been taking you to the best doctors?” I said to her with my blood no boiling and my head spinning. “see Rico this is why I kept this from you. I didn’t want you in there worried about me Rico baby. I am okay, and I am going to be okay. If it Gods will call me home than it just my time and I am ready.” she said “I'm not ready. you're not going nowhere stop talking like that.” I told her. “Rico I am okay with it; I know there is a time for everyone and if its mine so be it. I got to see you grow up and have your own kids my heart is fine.” she said.  Sixty seconds are remaining. the automatic message said. “mom I’m a call you back when I can.” I said before the call disconnected.

   my head was all fucked up it was like everything was falling apart and I had no control over it. from my kids to my mom I needed out of here. so I could get back to my family because they needed me. I went back to my cell pacing. “ I got to get the fuck out of here. this court date need be my release date.” I said to myself. as I paced back and forth. Connor, Tommy, and some other niddas showed up in the doorway of my cell. “yo Rico let me talk to you” Tommy said. “only my friends and family call me Rico and you aren’t either one of those. “ I said. : listen I think the last conversation we had went wrong, so I wanted to start over because…” I cut him off. “listen, my nigga, I don't owe you shit I didn't ask Connor to jump in that fight for me. Had I known you was his pimp I wouldn’t have been hanging around the nigga” I said.

“listen relax and calm down I was dead ass wrong for telling you you owed me. Right now all I want to do is offer you a place in our family. it seems like you need it.” Tommy said. “corner you didn’t tell this man what I already told you? Tommy thank you for the offer but I am good my family is on the outside of these walls, and I am trying to get back to them as soon as possible.” I said. “and that's what we do. We keep each other grounded and uplifted in here and use our connections on the outside to get access to the best lawyers and everything we possibly need to get the hell up and out of here quicker.  I call these men my family because i break bread with them in here and make sure they are good once they are out because that what family does. With the lifestyle we live you know that family turns out to be people we don't even share the same blood wit/” Tommy said. “don't say we cause you have no idea about the lifestyle i live. I'm good I got family outside of here that's doing all that stuff you just named.’ I said. Tommy shook his head and watched as they walk away. Later on that night I took a shower before it was locked downtime for the night. For the first time, I felt like I was being watched and I was utterly alone and weak. but I put it on the fact that I was having a crazy day and had a lot on my mind. That was until I felt an arm wrap around my throat and a pointy object in my back. Then the same young dude that I had an issue with before appeared in front of me. With a jail made knife. I had beat him worse then I thought she he had stitches and his arm in a sling. “ I kill you right now; all the guard are off doing their own thing and its no one in here but us. But that shit would have me in here doing life and your ass ain't worth it. But i never lose a battle and let it go. I can not kill you right now, but I can make sure your die slowly and painfully and remember me every bit of the way.” he said.  

“Nigga ain't scared of death! If you bad kill me,” i said. Then i had this feeling that felt like someone was ripping me open starting at my ass all the way up to my back. My body went numb and when the guy that was holding me was done with me let her I go, and I dropped to the shower floor.

When I could finally pull myself together, I got up and went to my cell. I never forgot how I felt knowing that I was done in such a way. One thing was for sure, the young nigga's words were right. I felt like I was dying inside.  I couldn’t tell anyone that as a grown ass man I was rapped. All i could do was crawl into my bed and cry in silence.


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