Part 2: Karmen and Knowledge

“not my damn baby. pastor or not if yall don't do something I’ll find that little nappy head nigga myself and when I catch him I’m a kill him.” my dad told the police officer as I laid in the hospital bed. “sir I understand your anger about what happen to your daughter but she is an adult we can not do anything until she tells us what she wants to press charges because she’ll the victim.” the police told my father and then turned to me and said “Karmen do you want to press charges on Knowledge?”

I sat there in silence looking at my family and the officer. They all stared back at me. I finally said “No” the whole room quickly replied “What?” “I’m not pressing charges” I replied. “Are you sure?” the police officer asked me. “yes I am sure. if he is in jail. he can’t be apart of my baby’s life or the child he already has here.” I told them. My sister looked at me and said “he doesn’t want your baby and he doesn’t take care of the child he has now. So why put yourself through this. who in the hell would want to be a baby momma to someone like him.” my dad chimed in right behind her “and maybe you don’t need a baby right now. Let your body heal and when the time is right you can have try again.”

I looked at my father. “as my father and my pastor are you telling me to commit a sin and kill my unborn child?” I said with tears forming in my eyes my mom rubbed my back as she sat on the edge of the bed trying to comfort me. “No baby, not kill it maybe we can find it a good home. I know a few married couples in the church that are struggling to have a baby that really want and have been praying for one.”

I looked at her “mom… I am an adult why is everyone trying to make decisions for my child. I am the parent of this child. If I didn’t stand next to the father of my child idea to abort it why would you think I am going to let any of you convince me to get rid of it. The fact that this baby is still here and alive after my fall down the stairs is a sign of the purpose this baby has. I am going to have this baby and I am keeping it. You guys can stand with me in my decision or go ahead and leave me alone. But I am only going to say this once. I am not pressing charges on Knowledge and I am having my baby.” I said.

“Karmen having a baby out of wedlock is a sin.” my dad yelled. “so is murder. I am not going to commit another sin just to the idea one that I willing committed. I am human and every day we fall short. But I know that I survive a forgiving god that will forgive me for my wrongdoing. But no matter what the sin was in making my baby, my baby itself is not the sin.” I said. “Karmen I will not allow this,” my dad said. the machines I was hooked up to started to go off and beeping. the nurse came in “I’m going to have to ask everyone to leave. the stress is not good for mom or the baby right now.” she said.

my family grabbed their belonging and walked towards the door. my mom gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered “I stand with you” and then she walked towards to the door to follow everyone else out. The nurse checked my vitals and reset the machine and got ready to walk out. “umm excuse me” I said. the nurse turned back around. ‘yes” she said. “before you leave out can you hand me my purse out that closet,” I asked. she smiled and handed me the purse. I thanked her and let her go on her way.

I pulled out my phone and seem all the missed call from my parents. they had told me that when I fell down the stairs the neighbor ended up calling them to check on me because she saw Knowledge running down the street. when the doctors finally got me and the baby stable they couldn’t wait to rush in and give me an ear full and trying to piece together what happened.

I pulled up knowledge’s number and my phone and called him but it went straight to voicemail. so I decided to send me a text. you're a sorry excuse for a man. you were all in when we were making this baby. but now that baby is baking because your pull out game was weak and you run like a bitch. but the fact that you pushed me down a flight of stairs is something I will never get over. Me and the baby both survived dummy. I looked at the message and then I deleted everything. I called knowledge two more times but I still got his either he had me blocked or turned off his phone because he was hiding. so I called the next best person. “Hey Karmen, how are you? Knowledge mom said when she answered the phone. “Hey, Ms.Gail I’m okay. have you seen Knowledge?’ i asked he. “no honey I haven’t seen him. I would have assumed he was with you like always.” she said to me. “No he’s not with me I’m in the hospital and haven’t seen him here yet,” I told her.  “I’m sorry to hear that honey. But if I see I will tell him.” she said. “umm.. Ms. Gail, I should be out of here soon. would it be okay I come by and talk with you? I am at a lost of what to do about KNowledge.” I asked her nervously. “sure Karmen you know my door is always open for you.” she said cheerfully. “okay I’ll give you a call in a few days when they let me out of here. to arrange something. I said. she said okay and we hung up. I could help but wonder where was KNowledge hiding if his own momma hadn’t seen him.

after a few days went by me and my little one were healthy enough to go home and go on with our journey. Just I had a big precaution list to follow to help me make it full term. although I was free from the hospital the only thing that was on my mind was finding Knowledge. my sister picked me up from the hospital and as soon as I got into the car good she started. “momma and daddy are waiting for you at the house” she said. “that's nice but I’m not going there.” I told her. “What do you mean Karmen that you not going home.” she asked with an attitude. “momma and daddy's house is not my home. it will always be a safe place but not my home. My home is where I pay rent and bills at and that where I plan to go after making a stop.” I said.  “Karmen mommy and daddy said to bring you straight to them,” she said. “I’m not going period. you can drop me off and tell them I refused.” I said.

“I can’t do that,” she said. “really after all the dirt we have done together, and all the secret of yours I have you would literally break our sisterly bond,” I said. “Karmen it for your safety.” she pleaded. “momma and daddy fussing at me is not good for my health you seen what happen at the hospital,” I said. my sister sat there for a while and then said “fine where do you need to go before I take you to your house?” she asked. “promise not to tell mommy and daddy.” I said to her with my pinky out. she stuck hers out too and said “Pinky promise. But Karmen you better not be up to nothing crazy, because you're pregnant.” she said concerned.  “I’m not I promise. I just need you to drop me off to Knowledge’s mom house.” I said and she looked at me like I had five heads.

“Karmen hell Nah,” she said to me. “but you promised”I reminded her. “yeah but that was before I knew what you wanted to do. clearly, they meds from the hospital got you thinking crazy.” she said I looked at her “just drop me off please.” she sucked her teeth. “okay don’t say I did n’t tell you this wasn’t a good idea.  

when we pulled up to the house I sat in the car looking at the house. “Karmen I know you didn’t have me drive all the way over to this lady house for you not to get out.” my sister fussed. I opened the car door and looked back at her. “you can leave I will be okay.” she looked at me. “you sure Karmen.” she asked. “yes.” I said and then I closed the car door and walked to the door. I had been to this house so many times before with Knowledge but today was so scary. I knocked on the door and waited for the answer. a few moments went by and I looked over the side of the porch just to make sure that I saw ms. Gail’s car in the driveway. as I looked I heard the door open and a voice says “Karmen.” cheerfully.

I spun around and hugged her. “Hey, Ms. Gail,” I said. “I thought you were going to call me before coming,” she said. “I tried but I got your voicemail so I figure I would just stop but because you told your door was always open to me.”  said. Ms. Gail stood there looking a little nervous. “can I come in” I asked. “Karmen Honey right now is not a good time I am trying to handle something. I’ll call you baby and set up something. okay.” she said and then started to close the door.

I pushed the door back open. “But Ms.Gail I really need to talk to you now,” I said. Ms. Gail looked at me “Karmen i don't know what got into you but you need to leave my house now. I said right now isn’t a good time I have something else to handle” she said as she started to close the door again on me. I screamed out “Your son is what has gotten into me. so  you tell me when is it a good time to tell you that I am having your grandchild and your son pushed me down a flight of stair just to try to get rid of it.” M.Gail opened the door back with this look on her face. From the corner of my eye, I saw a light skin girl come walking out of Ms. Gail's living room crying and rubbing her pregnant belly.

“he got you too,” she said looking at me. I looked at her confused and didn’t answer. “who are you.” I finally asked. “I’m Latoya. I’ve been messing with Knowledge a while ago. When I told him I was pregnant about five months ago he told me to get rid of it. I thought about it and then said no. then he went missing on me. at first, I didn’t care I was ready to raise my daughter on my own. But then I realized my daughter didn’t ask to be here and in 3 months when I give birth she deserves to have her father there. So I came here today hoping that Ms.Gail could talk some sense into her son and make him be a man.” she explained.

I looked at her and then at Ms. Gail. Anger seemed to be written all over Ms.Gail’s face then she spoke “you fast tail girls not about to come around here bad talking my son and pinning your kids on him. My son is a man and he would not make any kids that he wouldn’t take care of.” she said. “right that why I been paying his child support for his first child, right.” I said with an attitude. “little girl I don’t believe nothing you say. both of you are probably trying to pin some kids on my son that aren’t his and that's why he left the both of you and went back to Rissa because she would never do anything like this to him. she always has his best interest at heart.” I could believe the words that I was hearing come out of s.Gail's mouth. “Ms.Gail you're supposed to be a woman of god and this how you act,” Latoya said.

the two of them argued back and forth while I turned to walk away with my head down ashamed. who in the hell wanted to be baby momma number 3 to a man that didn’t take care of his responsibilities. as I got to the steps of the porch I heard a familiar voice “Latoya? Karmen? what are yall doing here?” I looked up and laid eyes on the father of my child. Ms. Gail pushed past me running to her son and said: “Knowledge these girls are here trying to tell me all types of things about you having both of them pregnant.”

latoya stepped up and stood beside me . “tell her Knowledge to tell her how you were at my house every day and convinced me that it was okay for you to stop using condoms because you loved me and we had nothing to worry about because you knew when to pull out.” I looked at her. “wow that the same thing he hit me with.” I said. Latoya grabbed my hand. “so this is a routine for you  Knowledge you get chicks pregnant and then run Latoya said. “ let's not forget that before he does that he lives off of you, plays house with you, but won’t commit to you or put a title on it. At least he didn’t push you down a flight of stair” I said.

Ms. Gail turned to Knowledge who was glaring at Latoya and I. “Knowledge? say something. Tell me this isn’t true.” she said. Latoya said, “he can’t it too hard for him to lie to you with the proof standing right here in front of him.”

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