Part 2: Fatima and Calvin

I never did I think I would be here, never thought it would even have to go to this point that I would have to be the type of baby mother to take Calvin down to the courthouse and have to get the white man involved in our business when it came to parenting our child. But here I was. I was tired of the bull shit and I could keep making threats through texts and phone calls that I was going to do this. the time had come and I had to follow through with the action. it was Calvin duty as a father to do right by our daughter and if he couldn’t do so willing this by force was the only other answer.

   for some woman, this was a piece of cake but for me, this was something I had no real desire to do and I was sick to my stomach about being here. I had gone back and forth about if I was making the start decision or making things worse. I didn’t want Egypt to have to pay in the long run by forcing Calvin to be around her. i had so many people in my ear about what I should do. My sister Rachel telling me to go to court and get everything I can. then I had people like my best friend Mia telling me to let it go and let Calvin do what he wants because he will be missing out in the long run. But it was a decision i had to make in the long run and it had to be what i felt was best for my daughter , not me not my feeling and not anyone else.

   I wanted Egypt to have what I didn’t have and that was to know her father and to have a bond with him, that meant more than money and anything materialistic he could do for her. and that honestly all she wanted. She’s only four and had it not been for her asking me “mommy why my daddy don’t come to see me anymore I would have never pushed the issue. But I had my little girl was to smart and noticing too much.

   As I sat waiting to be called in the court him I sent Rachel a text to check on Egypt since she was nice enough to watch her for me. As I hit the send button I felt a shadow over me. when I looked up I seen Calvin staring down at me, and if looks could kill I would have been dead at that very moment from the way that Calvin was grilling me. ‘I can’t believe you really have us down here.” he said to me with an attitude. “well hello to you too Calvin. and please correct yourself I don’t have you down here you got yourself down here because you're not doing your part in your daughter’s life. my daughter will not end up feeling how I did when I was growing up because of an absent father. your right here in the same city and your not there for her and you are supposed to be the first male she knows that loved her and showed her unconditional love. My baby will not end up with some boy like you who she ends up falling for and has his baby all because he told her she was pretty and he loved her and she fell for it trying to fill the hole you left her with. then she heads up right here in the same spot I am. Nope, not going to happen not to mine it's not. The generational curse of not having a dad stops here. My mom went through that, her mom went through it and now me. but it stops here. If it takes the courts getting involved so be it. at least then she will be getting what she really wants from you and that just your time Calvin.” I said to him.

Before Calvin could say anything a cop came outside and called out names to came into the courtroom. As soon as the Judge said the court was in session Calvin started talking. “your honor, I’m really not sure what I’m here. I’m a great dad to my daughter.” he said. all I could do was roll my eyes because I could clearly see he was about to put on a whole show. “well Mr. Brook what I see here is that you're here because you fail to do the things you are supposed to as a father.” Judge Bernard said. “that's not true my ex over there is just trying to mad because I moved out and move on. Now she’s trying to get back at me by getting in my pockets.” he said to her. Judge Bernard looked down at the papers confused.

Before I even fully thought about it the words came out my mouth. “Excuse me! in your pocket? I don’t ask you for any for OUR  daughter. I keep a roof over her head, food in her stomach, clothes on her and her in daycare all at my own expense. I am not asking for any of your money.” I said. “she is right sir the paperwork before me is requesting court order days for you to see the child. so my question to you is what is stopping you from providing this child with the time they need and deserve without me being involved.” she asked Calvin. Calvin looked confused like he was not sure what to say “your honor its not that I can’t it's just that life happens and…” the judge cut him off before he could finish. “that's baby’s life is happening and as a father it is your job to be there for it. you have a good woman here to co-parents with. Most of the time when I see these cases the mother is asking for every dime she can get and can care less if the father sees the child. All this woman wants is for you to give the child time, time is more valuable than money because the child might not remember everything you brought them or be able to keep everything you brought them but they will love to remember, appreciate and value all the memories of the times they had with you and how that helped mold them.”  

As the judge spoke I looked at Calvin and all the facial expressions he was making. “as a black woman, I like to believe that the men in my community can and want to do right by their children so Mr.Brook I'm giving you two weeks. Just two to make an effort and spend time with your child and be a part of her life. In two weeks when you return to my courtroom if you have not managed to do so you will be following a court order that I set for you. I honestly feel like it should not have to go that far. the same way no one had to force you to make this child should be the same way about raising her. do better sir, I believe in you. the court dismissed.” Judge Bernard said.

when we walked out of the courtroom Calvin stormed up to me and said. “I can’t believe your bitter ass out here making me look like a deadbeat ass father,” he said. I knew Calvin was trying to get me to make a scene in this courtroom but I wasn’t about to fall into his trap. I calmly said “ Calvin I didn’t make you look like anything I had to do what was best for Egypt. she needs you just as much as she needs me. you can’t check out on her because we aren’t together anymore.” I said. “Fatima you only doing this cause I won’t be with you and you missing the life I provided you with,” Calvin said. I laughed “Calvin m life is way less stressful without you in it. I no longer want, desire or anything to do with you that may come to your head. all I want to do with you is co-parent, but you have to start being a parent first.” I said.

“Right keep telling yourself that,” Calvin said. “How about you tell me when you coming to get Egypt?” I said back to him. Calvin was silent. “shaking my head asking you about spending time with your baby and you get silent. What do you want Calvin? I can drop her off to you, I can send her with money. what can I do to make it easier for you to spend time with your daughter.” I said getting frustrated. “ I’ll let you know,” Calvin said and then walked away from me.

I went and picked up my baby from Rachel house not feeling as hopeful as Judge Bernard about this opportunity she had given Calvin. My gut was telling me nothing was about to change and my child was about to still suffer. When we got home I laughed and played with Egypt even though my mind was in another place. it was not for her to know about the adult stuff I was enduring to make sure she was getting the life she deserved. Once Egypt was feed, bathed and put to bed. I climbed to being with tons of things on my mind.

It seemed like just as I dozed off Egypt came rushing into my room crying and screaming daddy. I hopped up and grabbed her. “what's wrong baby?” I asked her. “I’m scared I want my daddy,” she replied back to me still slightly crying. “Egypt you know your daddy isn’t here,” I said to her. “But I want him,” she said back to me. “I know and I understand baby. Mommy here though.” I told her. it took a while for me to get Egypt to calm down and go back to sleep. Although I’m sure what scared her was just a bad dream it killed me to know that she wanted to feel the safety of being in her daddy's arms and she couldn’t get it.

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