Part 1: Vontay


“Hello Vontay I am Dr. Sherry.” the therapist said as she walked in to meet with me. “Hi,” I said real short and sweet. “Tell her your name.” my mom said. “She just said my name mom,” i said back to her. “How are you today?” she asked me. “Fine” I replied back. “See Doctor this is why we are here. She just cold as ice about everything and I’m just afraid she’s not ready to return to school.” my mom said. I looked at her and rolled my eyes. “I see…. Well, how about you step out for a few and let me and her chit chat.” Dr. Sherry said to her. My mom looked at Dr. Sherry like she had three heads. “No I think I’ll stay,” she said. “Well, then I’m sure this session is going to be a waste of your money.” Dr. Sherry said back. “Excuse me,” my mom said to her. “I’m just being honest.” Dr. Sherry said. “This is my child and if I decide to stay with her that's my right, remember I’m paying you.” my mom said. “This is your child but you contacted me so let me remind you that this means that you need me. I didn’t come searching for you.” Dr. Sherry said back and I smiled a little, it was nice to see someone get my mom in check. 

My mom was silent for a while and then she turned and looked at me “are you going to be okay without me?” she asked. “I’m sure I will be just fine mother,” I said to her. My mom let out a deep breath and then turned to grab her purse from the other side of the couch we were sitting on. She stood up and headed to the door. She opened it and started to walk out and then she stopped. I and Dr. Sherry looked at her “Vontay if you need me to remember that I am right out here.” she said. I nodded my head and she went out and closed the door.

“well … Overprotective much” Dr. Sherry said to me. “More like annoying,” I said to her. “Why you say that? She’s just trying to show you she loves you,” she said to me. I rolled my eyes and was silent. “Nothing to say?” Dr. Sherry asked. I shrugged my shoulders. “Listen Vontay this is a safe place. What you say in here stay between me and you. Express your self. Even if you have to cuss. It is okay. And FYI this room is soundproof so if you are worried about your mom standing on the other side of that door listening believe me she’s can’t hear anything.” Dr. Sherry said. 

I nodded my head. “So let's talk. What brings you here?” she asked. “I don’t know this was my mom's idea,” I said to her. “You say it like it was a bad idea,” she said to me. “No offense to you. But if you haven’t noticed I’m black, my mom is black but for since she got this promotion and we moved she has become a white woman trapped in a black woman’s body.” Dr. Sherry started to laugh. “No like really, My name is Vontay and that's because my dad's name is Calvin and they call him Von for short any mom's name is Lataya. She put both their names together and came up with Vontay which is ghetto as hell which should let you know that we are from the hood. Where in the hood we don’t go to counseling. Shit where we use to live they can’t afford counseling so i know nobody but them white women in the neighborhood my mom hang with gave her this idea.” I said 

Dr. Sherry nodded her head. “You articulate very well Vontay,” she said to me. “I should I’m seventeen and a senior in high school. I’m not a baby like my mom would have you to believe.” I said to her. “I wouldn’t assume that your a baby I would assume that you have a mother that loves you very much.” I started to laugh. “What?” Dr. Sherry said confused. “You think what you just saw was love?” i asked her. “Yes, your mom seems like a very concerned parent. I laughed more. “Dr. Sherry my mom is drunk. Just like she is every other day and because she is drunk she overreacts. Nothing about that was love that was all alcohol.” I said to her. 

Dr. sherry looked at me with her eyes big. “How long has your mother had this drinking issue. Since we moved to this new neighborhood and my dad left her for a white woman.” I said to her. “So she drinks every day?” Dr. Sherry asked. “I thought this session was about me?” i said taking the heat off my mom. Or giving Dr. SHerry anything to report to CPS. “you are right. Let's talk about you. Your mom says she concerned about you because you’ve changed your not talking or acting like you use to.” she said to me. “There nothing to talk about,” i told her. “Why do you feel that way?” she asked me. “Just because,” I said to her. “Because of what?” she asked. “Just because,” I said to her. “Is it because your father left?” she asked me. I looked away and didn’t say anything. “So that's it,” she said like she had solved the puzzle. 

“Can we just change the subject to something else?” i said to her. “Well we can always go back to talking about your mom’s drinking,” she said. “No we can’t,” i said to her. “Okay so then what do you want to talk about?” she asked. “Let not talk let's just sit here in silence until this time is up,” i said to her. “Okay that's fine but if you don't talk to me do you have someone else to talk to maybe a friend or a sibling,” she said. “Yeah I can talk to my brother,” i said quickly. “Well, that's good. How old is your brother,” she said. “He’s…..” then I stopped because reality kicked in. “he’s what?” she asked. I shook my head and looked the other way. “Let just be quiet,” i said. 

“Why? You seemed pretty excited when you mentioned your brother?” she said to me. “I just don't wanna talk about it,” I said. “Why not if your brother makes you excited its okay to talk about him. I light up too when I talk about my brother he’s my best friend,” she said to me. “That's nice for you,” i said to her. “Has something happen between you and your brother has something changed?” she asked me. “Yeah, a lot has changed,” I said to her. “Like what Vontay remember this is a safe space. If something happens between you and your brother you can tell me. Is your brother older than you?” she asked. “You know I'm not dumb,” I said as i looked at her with my face screwed up. “Never said you were honey,” she said back. Then why are you talking to me like I’m a say my brother rapped me or something.” I asked her. “Well did he?” she asked me. “No my brother is Dead! VOnte is dead!” I screamed at her as tears start to form in my eyes. 

Dr. Sherry’s eyes got big and she reached for some tissues and came and sat on the couch next to me and hand them to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t know,” she said to me. “I bet,” I said to her as I wiped my face. “Well that can explain a lot she said to me. “Listen my mom might not think so but there is nothing wrong with me. My life has just taken a lot of changes in the past 2 years. First, my dad left and now it's only been a month since we buried my twin brother and my mom acts as neither situation happened. She gets up and goes to work. She even took all of their pictures out of the house and put them in a box in the garage. The only place I can see a picture of my dad and twin brother is in my bedroom. So I get it she wants me to talk and be normal again so i can go back to school and seem like everything is okay in front of them white people so they don’t judge her. But i don’t have much to talk about I can’t just pretend like stuff is perfect as her.” I said. “We all handle things differently honey. There is a good chance your mom is drinking to deal with your father leaving and your brother died, that can be the only way she knows how to deal with the hurt.” Dr. Sherry said to me. “Yeah but she failing to deal with me. Instead of her being my mom when I need her most she brought me here.” I said to her. “This is probably what she thought was best. Especially if she is feeling weak herself. She is trying to give her the best she has to offer.” Dr. Sherry said. “And that's you? There is nothing you can say to me that will bring back my brother of erasing the sound of the car hitting him that i heard through the phone,” i said. 

“What do you mean?” Dr. Sherry asked. “Lataya’s drinking was bad when Vonte was still alive but it was more controlled because he was a momma’s boy. He would pour it out or hide it. One time he even poured half the even out and put soda in the container so she wouldn’t get as drunk. The night he was killed they got into an argument. It may have been only the second time in my life I ever saw Vonte mad at my mom. He wanted to spend time with our dad and mommy said no that he wasn’t going to have us around that white woman. The argument got bad Vonte stormed off to his room and threw all liquor he had stashed away from her in his closet out in the hallway and told her to drink go ahead he didn’t care because if she killed herself drinking then at least we can see daddy again. My mom cried and banged on Vonte door but he wouldn’t open it. Eventually, she grabbed two of the bottles and went out to the car and left. 

A few hours went by and Vonte came out his room and into mine, he told me he was going to apologize to mommy that maybe he took it to far and she’s just trying to keep us from getting hurt. I told him okay he called her but she didn’t answer which was normal when she had been drinking so he said he was going to stay up and wait for her because he didn’t want to go to bed with this on his heart or mind. I told him, okay but I was going to bed. He said okay and went downstairs. Next time I heard Vonte voice it was 1 am and he was waking me up telling me that mommy wasn’t home yet and he was going to take our dad’s car that he had left and go look for her because he was concerned. I said I’d go with him but he said for me to stay home that way if she came home i could call and tell him. I agree and he left. Ten minutes had gone past and I called Vonte to see where he was and if he had found her. While we were talking Vonte said it sound like one of the tires was flat and he was getting out to check. I stayed on the phone as he was checking and then i heard the sound of a car speed by and then two loud bumps moments apart. I called out Vonte's name over and over again. I called my mom from the house phone multiple times while keeping Vonte on my cell and she wouldn’t answer. Finally, i called the police and we had to use the family locator app to find Vonte. My mom said her phone had died so we couldn’t locate her. When the police finally find VOnte they said it was a hit and run. That the driver possibly didn’t see Vonte checking the tires because it was so dark. My mom didn’t even know Vonte was dead until the next day when she finally came home. My brother had hit the ground so hard that we were even twinning no more because so many bones broken in his face. So excuse me for a sound like a brat but that won out there doesn't get to offer you to me as her best offer because she hurting because she took my best friend away from me. My brother is dead and gone and its all her fault because he was looking for her drunk ass to save her when she should have known better.” i said with anger as i wiped the tears that streamed down my face. 

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