Monica Part 8
Erica looked at me straight in the face. And for the first time we stood toe to toe, she repeated her question, “why did you wait to now to say something. If you and Delray hooked up, why didn’t you tell me as soon as it happened.” and then crossed her arms. “I tried to tell you after all that shit with mommy the next morning when we laid in bed I tried to tell you even though I was scared! You told me you wanted to hear no more bad news.” I reminded her. “so you stop trying to tell me? Moe try that shit with someone else. Your ass tells me stuff I don’t want to hear all the time and now this one time because I said I don’t want to hear no bad new you don’t tell me. Yeah, I know better to believe that. Because we both know that is something you keep trying to tell someone until they fucking listen to unless you 're lying.” she said to me.
I couldn’t believe Erica. “Erica, I wouldn’t lie to you about some shit like this. I need you to think clearly. Why would I go to that extreme? What the fuck would I even get out of that. To see you hurt from that type of information?” I asked her. “Because you 're jealous of what Delray and I have.” she blurted out. “I’m not. I don’t even give a fuck about him. I want what’s best for you. I wasn’t coming home to find love. I came home to build a bond with you that we missed out on, get my shit together, and find my daughter.” I said to her. “Then do that and stop lying on my man because you’re not ready to see me grow up and move on,” she said to me. That was it; if she wouldn’t believe me, fuck it. “It’s not about you growing up and moving on. I want that for you more than you know, for you to grow up and stop being this naïve little girl. I am trying to help you see this man for who he is before you fuck around and make a fool of yourself. But if you like it, I love it,” I said to her, looking her up and down. “Yeah, whatever Erica said, throwing up her hand and walking off to her room and slamming the door closed.
I went to my room, slammed my door closed also, and then threw myself on the bed, covered my face with a pillow, and let out a scream. What the fuck had this man done to my damn sister. I had to clear my head and get the hell out of this house. Remaining this close to Erica right now would make things worse because the stubborn Taurus in her and this firecracker Scorpio in me would damage each other in this state.
I sat up and grabbed my phone. I dialed Terryl’s number. “Hey,” he answered. “Hey,” I said back. “You good?” he asked, sounding concerned. “Can you come pick me up I need out this house.” I told him. “Yeah, sure when?” he asked me. “As soon as possible.” I answered him. “Of course I will be on my way shortly.” he said. “Okay cool I am going to shower and throw something on.” I told him. “Cool, I’ll do the same and be to you.” he said to me.
After an hour, I was dressed and ready. Terryl sent me a text and let me know he was waiting outside for me. I grabbed my purse and my phone and headed out of my room. I stopped in the hallway and looked at Erica’s room door. I wanted to go knock and let her know I was leaving, but then I heard her say, “glad you found him, I’ll see you when you get back here.” I turned and headed downstairs and out the front door. I jumped into Terryl’s truck, and he looked at me. “Where you want to go?” he asked me. “anywhere,” I responded quickly. Terryl pulled off and hit the highway.
He drove to the beach and parked. “Lets walk and talk you seem like you need it.” he said to me. He got out of the car, came around to me, opened the door for me, we got out, and he took my hand and led me to the sand. I stopped, and he felt me pull away. “What’s up?” he asked. I’m not walking in the sand in these shoes, I told him. “Fine, let me help you.” he said, bending down and taking off my shoes, and carrying them in his hand as we walked. “So what’s going on?” he said as we walked. “Shit is just crazy all them nights I laid in my cell dreaming of coming home I never thought it would be like this.” I told him. Teryl nodded his head. “Well, what exactly is going on? Maybe its something I can give some advice on.” he told me. “If I tell you, you’ll probably be pissed with me too.” I said to him.
Terryl stopped and looked at me. “Let me tell you something that I learned a while ago. Fearing how someone might feel about something you did, or said will only destroy you if you let it. No one can make you feel bad about something you have accepted and forgiven yourself for.” I nodded my head because Terryl was right. “So tell me?” Terryl said.
I hesitated for a moment, and then finally, I said, “Erica and I got into a big fight today.” I told him. “Over last night?” he asked. “Yeah basically. And I told her I slept with Stone.” Terryl said nothing. He just nodded his head. He didn’t even look away. “Are you mad?” I asked him. “No, I kinda had already figured.” “How?” I asked shock. “I watched your body language around him and then I watched how he interacted with you when I was making your drinks. I’ve been friends with him long enough to know that although Terryl is a good guy he still has fucked up ways and women are one of his fucked up ways. He doesn’t see them as thing he should protect because he never had one nurture him and show him their value. His mom picked drugs over him and left him with his grandma most of the time. His grandma was old and in no shape to be trying to raise him so tv, the streets and everything else did.” Terry answered.
I smiled. “What?” Terry said. “Your smart.” I told him, laughing. “I try to be. But finish telling me what’s going on.” he said, smiling back at me. “So I told Erica that me and Stone fucked my first night home. I was sitting at the bar waiting for her to arrive and he came and sat next to me and started talking. I had no idea that was her boyfriend or that she even had a boyfriend because she never told me. One thing led to another we had a quick session in the bathroom and then I would back to the bar. Erica showed talking about let me introduce you to my boyfriend and its him. Its just crazy because when I told her today she didn’t believe me. She asked me why didn’t I say something when it happen instead of now that they are engaged and I told her I tried. I really did, but she didn’t want to hear it.” I said.
Terryl wrapped his arms around me without me even telling him that was what I needed at that moment. I laid my head on his shoulder, let the tears fall from my eyes. “All I want to do is protect her and I feel like I am destroying our sisterly bond.” I cried out. “I told you before you can’t save someone that doesn’t want to be saved.” Terryl said to me. And his words were valid at this point as long as I know I told her. I couldn’t be held responsible for making Erica believe me. I just had to understand where she stood with the information and move accordingly.
After a few minutes of Terryl letting me, I pulled myself together and finished walking along the beach. We headed back to his truck. Once Terryl made sure I was safely inside, he walked around to the driver’s side and got in. “ready to go back home now?” he asked. “Hell no!” I told him. “Well, where do you want to go now?” he asked me. “anywhere you take me.” I told him. He nodded and backed out of the parking spot. As he drove, we listened to music. I turned the music down when a question came to my mind, “do you feel like past trauma can keep you trapped?” I asked him.
“Yes and no,” Terryl answered. “Explain I asked him. “Your past affects you in ways you allow it to. We can’t change what has already happened. But we can change how it affects our future.” he told me. “I don’t see how I can make that happen for me,” I told him. “I didn’t see how I was going to be more than my trauma either. My dad beating my mom hunted me for a long time. First, I lost because I couldn’t let go of that trauma, and all I did was drink instead of running my business. And then I had a daughter, and I fear I couldn’t protect her the way I didn’t protect my mom from my dad, which made me drink more. It wasn’t until I went to therapy and they made me address that the scared little boy that used to hide under his bed and cover his ears and still could hear his mother’s scream and had never grown up inside of me.” he said with a straight face as he kept driving.
I turned and looked back out the window. “Since you asked me that. Let me ask you this: Moe; what have you trauma shown you or taught you?” Terry asked. I thought for a moment before answering the question. “How to keep secrets, to keep people distant, to sense danger, not to trust anyone, to protect myself at all cost, to be okay even when I’m not, and to survive.” “okay… Now is that helping you or is it destroying you,” he asked me. The question caught me off guard. I looked out the window, and I kept replaying the words repeatedly in my head.
I dozed off, and when Terryl woke me up, we were outside a beautiful house that looked like it was straight out of a magazine or movie. “Who lives here?” I asked. “Me,” Terryl said, laughing. Like always, he came around and opened the car door for me, and I followed him as he led me inside. “You seem tired I have a rest room you can lie down and finish sleeping in.” he said to me as we walked through the house, and I looked around. I gave him the side-eye. “Girl ain’t nobody trying to get your goodies… I’ll wait for you give them to me.” Terryl said, and we both laughed.
He was right; I was tired. He walked me into the guest room, and I laid down on the king-size bed. “I’ll be out in the living room whenever you wake up.” he said before closing the door. As I laid in bed, I thought to myself how proud I was of Terryl. He had come so far, and he was dope from what I was seeing. Shit, he was better than his friend, for damn sure. I would have to remember that.
I went to sleep, and when I woke up, it was dark outside. I got up and sat on the edge of the bed, and pulled myself together. I check my phone. And there was no call or text from Erica. I needed to go home and fix this with my sister. We had our time to cool off. As I got ready to join Terryl in the living room, I heard his phone ring.
“Now you call me back.” I heard him say, real stern. “Nah, fuck that you’ve been fucking up big time lately, and I haven’t said shit. I mind my businesses because as long as they don’t affect me, I’m good. But you’ve gone too damn far.” I heard him say next. “Man A, whatever you think you got going on with Moe, that shit is done,” he said, letting me know it was Stone on the phone. “I don’t want to hear that IT’S DONE! You knew you were foul for even going there with her. You knew exactly who she was. You played on her weakness. Knowing she was fresh out of jail and that Erica was going to introduce you to her as a surprise... I covered my mouth in shock because I never even thought to think if he knew who I was.” Nigga, I don’t care about nothing you are talking about. Erica is one thing. But I care about Moe, and I’m not about to let you play with her." he said. It was sweet hearing someone stand up for me for once.
“Another thing that shit you did last night stop that shit. My club ain’t no damn boxing match for you and Erica. I told your ass that before. And another thing, how the fuck you going to ask Erica to marry you and you already married. Cause I know damn well Kay isn’t signing any divorce paper and if she does. Does Erica realize you’re going to be dead broke because the funeral home and everything is in Kay’s name? I wanted to scream. I knew Delray wasn’t shit. Now more than ever, I had to get Erica away from him.